How Not to Be an Ameri-Karen

You’ll find her prowling along the cobblestone streets of a European city—makeup perfectly contoured and slightly sunbaked from the lack of air conditioning. She’s parched, searching for water only to discover three devastating things: 1. It’s not free; 2. There is no ice; and 3. There are no free refills.

The city has become her battleground, filled with endless little infractions. The hotel bed, described as a double, does not afford the vastness needed to stretch out in her temporary lair. Her room is on an upper floor with no elevator. To make matters worse, her Dyson hairdryer short-circuited the moment she plugged it in, even with the adapter.

She hasn’t eaten in hours, but Karen—or Tipis Minimus—is no ordinary predator. The servers ignore her at the restaurant, failing to register her growing anger when she finally has to ask for the check. It was bad enough that she had to wait until after eight o’clock just to eat.

We watch her huff as she quietly considers how to complain. We watch her angrily blow a strand of sweat-mussed hair off her forehead as she surveys the landscape for her next target: a bathroom.

When she finally spots the “WC” sign, which she learned earlier stands for water closet, she shoves her way to the small door and pushes against a locked turnstile. It won’t move. It must be broken!

She rattles the bar, desperate for it to budge. We watch as a more knowledgeable patron slides a Euro into the slot and smoothly passes through, much to the disdain of our Karen.

In this brutal landscape, one wrong move means total irritation. Karen has suffered too long. She marches aggressively up to the host stand. She was charged for water. There was no ice. The portions were small, and she was not offered a to-go container. She has suffered through so much, and now she must tolerate the indignity of paying to use the restroom.

We hear her voice wail throughout the restaurant: “I want to speak to a manager! I am a customer, and I am always right!”

The young restaurant worker stares back at Karen with a completely blank face. In this unfamiliar land, our Karen has unknowingly approached an apex predator.

The Unbothered European stares back as Karen rants and raves about the transgressions against her. Karen rises to her full height, slinging her oversized purse over her shoulder as she shouts, “I’m never coming back here!”

The Unbothered European, a Karen’s natural foe in the wild, simply shrugs and pounces in for the kill with one simple word:

“Okay.”

The History of the Karen

Did you know that there really is an ethnic group of people called the Karen people? When I Googled “history of the Karen,” I discovered they are a distinct Sino-Tibetan ethnic group. But sorry—those are not the Karens I was looking for.

“Karen,” as defined in American slang, represents an obnoxious, entitled, and demanding individual—most typically a middle-aged, middle-class woman. However, being a Karen is not strictly gender-specific, as plenty of men also fit this description, though we usually call them “Kevins.”

Did you know that even Europeans have their own versions of a Karen? In the Netherlands, they are called an Anita. Germany boasts the Wiebke to describe a strict, uptight mother. Even France has a Karen, but they call theirs a Ginette.

Asian countries have similar labels as well. The Chinese use the term Ao-ke to describe horrible customers who make completely unreasonable demands. Meanwhile, Japan describes pushy, rude, middle-aged women with shameless tendencies as Obatarians.

Where Can You Find a Karen?

Karens can be found anywhere on earth but are most likely going to come from a middle-class household in the US.

Is It Really a Karen or Just a Confused Tourist?

If you’ve ever encountered a real Karen in the wild, you will know it. Situations escalate quickly without cause, rhyme, or reason.

But is every awkward American abroad really a Karen? The simple answer is no.

Pop culture strongly leans toward labeling people. Take the modern misuse of the terms “bipolar” and “narcissism,” for example. Twenty years ago, society frequently labeled anyone having trouble regulating their emotions as bipolar. In the present day, anyone who shows a lack of self-awareness or exhibits selfish behavior is instantly called a narcissist.

Is it possible that the baseline stress of travel anxiety—coupled with the exhaustion of long flights and unfamiliar surroundings—sometimes causes us to label someone a Karen (or a Kevin) without true justification?

When evaluating these situations, I think you must carefully balance two distinct things: the environment and the delivery.

Am I a Karen or a Julia Sugarbaker?

As a child of the ’80s and ’90s, I grew up with strong women on television who paved the way for women speaking out. There was Clair Huxtable from The Cosby Show, Dorothy Zbornak from The Golden Girls, and Murphy Brown from the aptly titled Murphy Brown. All of these characters are iconic, but none had a more important influence on me than Julia Sugarbaker from Designing Women.

Julia was a lady, first and foremost. But if you hurt someone she loved, you better sit down, be quiet, and understand that Julia was about to tell you all about it.

If a man disrespected a woman or showed signs of bigotry, Julia—my queen—would stand up and, in the most elegant and sophisticated way possible, completely dismantle that person. And she always did so to rousing applause and a laugh track rooting her on.

I think the key difference between our “Karens” and our “Julias” is the motivation behind the takedown. Julia didn’t tell someone off in every single episode or over every minor transgression. She saved those explosive moments for maximum impact and true importance. Karens, on the other hand, will pick the pettiest of moments just to be right or to prove their dominance.

In a world full of Karens, be a Julia.

Never let someone run over you or hurt others, but do pick your battles wisely. If you are on the streets of Rome and see someone being bullied, bring out your inner Julia. But if you’re just upset that your water is room temperature and no one asked how your pasta tasted, please, don’t be a Karen.

How to Un-Karen Your Trip Abroad

Travel is stressful. I will preach time and time again that one of the best ways to de-stress your journey is through thorough research and preparedness.

Research the Hotels

Make sure you view actual pictures of the rooms and verify the bedding situation. I love my American king-sized bed. It’s important to me—so important that I will exhaustively research hotel options just to ensure I have one.

I also learned that some historic hotels in Amsterdam do not have elevators. Guess what? I’m not going to complain about it. I’m just going to book a stay somewhere that does have an elevator.

Watch travel vlogs and read articles about your destinations. Please. While my history-loving heart wanted to stay in a centuries-old boutique hotel, my common sense told me it was a horrible logistical idea.

Santorini, for example, has streets that suddenly end and transition into steep cobblestone sidewalks and stairs. I didn’t research this beforehand on a previous trip and was frustrated when we had to haul heavy luggage up and down endless stairs just to reach our lobby.

Was that the hotel’s or the staff’s fault? Nope. It was mine for not doing the legwork to ensure my own comfort. If you need a hairdryer, air conditioning, an elevator, or have specific bedding preferences, do the homework in advance to make your stay enjoyable.

Research the Customs

One of the first things I Google when planning a trip is the local restaurant and tipping culture. I worked in restaurants while I was in college, so I always want to take care of my servers. However, you will look completely out of place tipping 20% in Spain.

Find out what is customary so you can feel comfortable in your new surroundings. Don’t order a cappuccino after noon in Italy. Keep your hands in sight on top of the table rather than tucked underneath it. Don’t rush your meal—savor it. And plan to eat much later in the evening. Our domestic dinner times might start at six o’clock, but the norm in many other countries is well after 8:00 PM.

Research the Restaurants

I love great food, but I also want to feel comfortable when I sit down to dine. Touristy restaurants will almost always have an English version of the menu.

If you are venturing off the beaten path (and I truly hope you are), look up the menu in advance. Most establishments will have an English version of their website. If you travel with picky eaters, make sure there is something on the menu they can actually enjoy.

These authentic restaurants will not leave off the parsley or substitute the sauces on your pasta just because you ask. Remember, you’re eating in Italy, not your neighborhood Olive Garden. Find dishes you will genuinely enjoy on a menu, or simply look for a different restaurant that suits your palate.

Research a Few Key Words

We are incredibly lucky that English is widely spoken across most global destinations. In Italy, English is taught starting in elementary school. In Switzerland, locals are often fluent in multiple languages alongside English.

However, just because people might understand me does not mean I should ever assume they owe it to me. Simply saying bonjour or merci in a French-speaking region goes a very long way in showing basic politeness. Once a local hears me completely butcher the few words I remember from high school French, most will gracefully switch to English on their own.

Being able to say hello, goodbye, please, and thank you are the essential building blocks of good communication.

Be Kind

This rule fits every single situation. A hotel front desk has no way of knowing you prefer king-sized beds unless you book one. A European server won’t drop off your check unprompted because rushing a guest is considered rude in their culture.

If you are corrected or hit a snag, just go with the flow. We cannot plan for every single scenario, which is exactly why you must remain fluid, patient, and forgiving.

Have I Had an Ameri-Karen Moment?

Maybe. Though I tend to liken myself to the crusader tendencies of Julia Sugarbaker.

Still, I don’t have good luck with a certain airline, and as I was doing a self-check of my own behaviors while writing this article, I realized my quasi-Karen moments usually involved that specific carrier.

We once had a flight canceled in Edinburgh with no cause or explanation. There was just an announcement on the overhead speaker thirty minutes before boarding stating that our flight was canceled and we needed to collect our bags at baggage claim. Devastated and confused, we—and the other 200 passengers—did exactly as instructed.

After collecting our bags, we made our way back up to the ticket counter to stand in line for two hours. Finally, when we reached the front, a very unfriendly representative told us we had to go to the back of the line because they needed to prioritize checking people in for departing flights.

While I understood the rationale, I could not understand why the airline had such a messy system that re-bookings were not being handled separately, or why we were expected to wait in line all over again for another hour or two.

When I tried to explain how long we’d already waited, the worker bluntly told me she did not care. I don’t remember much after that because I kind of blacked out. My husband, ever calm, quickly pulled me aside before a full Karen or Julia Sugarbaker moment could kick in.

Working Around the System

As we stood in line for the second time, I took matters into my own hands, called Amex, and had them rebook our flight. By the time we reached the front of the line again, we just needed to check our bags—with that exact same rude woman.

I’ve had a few other run-ins with this airline over the years: lost luggage, broken entertainment screens on a transatlantic flight, and consistently unfriendly customer service. I think I have a genuine trauma response to this carrier at this point, giving me enough material for a separate article and a stand-up comedy routine.

Alas, I am not here to complain about an aviation magnate. While I may consider their uninterested and hostile customer service agents my ultimate travel apex predator, I can’t complain too much.

At the end of the day, they still offer the absolute best nonstop flight from Nashville to Europe. Knowing I’ll likely need their services again is enough motivation to remind me that sometimes you must pack away your inner Karen and your inner Julia.

You can’t beat the system; you just have to work around it. And if the problems ever get too bad, I can always choose a different carrier. Pasted text

We’re All Karens Given the Right Moment

My absolute favorite “Ameri-Karen” story happened in St. Moritz, Switzerland.

After almost missing the Bernina Express due to a rockslide—which required us to be shuttled north to an entirely different station—we finally traveled from Northern Italy into Switzerland. After several hours on the train, we arrived in St. Moritz, only to realize we had to roll our heavy luggage up a punishingly steep hill just to get to our hotel.

Huffing, puffing, and deeply questioning my life choices, we finally stumbled inside to the check-in desk. Our group consisted of two couples, requiring two rooms, all under one reservation.

Naturally, the hotel had lost one of our room reservations.

Y’all, we were exhausted and starving, and the only way I was going back down that hill was on a medical stretcher.

As the desk clerk was quietly working through the reservation system, a very loud Ameri-Karen cut the line directly in front of us. She started screaming that her assigned room was located right next to an elevator and that she did not travel all the way from America to sleep by an elevator.

One of our travel partners calmly looked at the clerk and said she would be happy to sleep next to an elevator, so long as there was a bed attached to it.

Karen continued to rant and rave, threatening that she was going to find another hotel because she refused to be “treated like this.” Mind you, “like this” meant having the absolute joy of a confirmed, luxury hotel room in Switzerland.

In that exact moment, the sweet, attentive desk clerk transformed into the ultimate Unbothered European. She looked Karen dead in the eye and calmly told her she was free to go find another hotel.

While we were dealing with a legitimate reservation issue, this woman was raging over nothing. We chose not to panic. Instead, I smiled at the clerk and told her we would happily take the elevator room.

The clerk smiled back, typed a few things, and miraculously found both of our original room reservations. Our kindness in that stressful moment yielded two stunning rooms directly overlooking Lake St. Moritz, plus a complimentary breakfast.

Remaining calm and being kind was the winning formula.

So, What Happened to Our Karen?

The next morning, I watched with absolute glee as she walked out of her room—the exact one next to the elevator that she had claimed was unlivable—and hung her head as she paid full price for her breakfast.

Part of the beauty of travel is exploring a new place, and with anything unfamiliar, it takes a minute to get your bearings. Most people who snap in these situations do so out of fear and a sudden loss of control. However, being in an unfamiliar environment never gives anyone an excuse to be rude.

If you want things to be exactly as they are at home, where you are perfectly comfortable and in total control of your surroundings, why travel at all?

If you want to see breathtaking landscapes, discover historical treasures, and open your eyes to different cultures, you must take the good with the bad and accept that travel is inherently messy.

But even with the awkwardness of unknown places, you can work to understand a destination before you arrive. And, above all else, you can always choose to be kind.

It works. I promise.